How many times have you seen another woman and thought to yourself…
“I wish I looked like her.”
“Her life must be perfect with thighs like that.”
“If only I could fit into those skinny jeans.”
You gaze at her long legs and thin waist and curse yourself for not looking like that.
You start to wonder what she does to look like that. She must eat celery dipped in air to get
that figure. A thousand sit ups a day to get those abs. Or she probably runs 7km every day.
Suddenly, your self-esteem is in the gutter and you find yourself making a pact that you’re
going to start a new crazy diet on Monday.
Little did you know, she walked past and also noticed you.
“I wish I had her beautiful hair” she thought to herself. “And I love her dress, I wish I could
afford beautiful clothes like that.”
Here’s a secret: comparison is the thief of joy.
And now here’s another secret: What you dislike about yourself and your body, actually has
very little to do with your body.
Hear me out.
Women are often our own harshest critics. We look at ourselves in the mirror and poke and
prod things we don’t like, while staring longingly at other women, wishing we had their legs,
their toned arms or their boobs.
So, you lose weight. Or you go out and buy yourself some boobs. But guess what? If you
don’t take the time to shift your mindset and be realistic with your goals, you’ll always be
unhappy with yourself.
It is my personal goal and passion in life to help women feel beautiful in their own skin, love
who they are and embrace a life of health, fitness and most importantly, gratitude.
But for many women, the journey to self-love and self-appreciation can seem
overwhelming. Instead of looking inward, they focus on happiness arriving with the drop of
a dress size or another physical goal. For example, “I’ll be happy if I can be a size 8 or I’ll be
happy if I look like ‘her”.
But focusing on and even achieving just physical goals, will not make you truly happy if your
mindset isn’t equally healthy.
Because no matter how much fitter you become; or how much weight you lose; or how
much muscle tone you gain; if you don’t work on your thoughts and feelings around your
body, you will always see the same person in the mirror.
This is why it’s important to focus on your mental health, confidence and self-love along
with introducing healthier eating and exercise behaviours.
Health is so much more than physical appearance. It’s more than what you see on the
outside. Health is about what is going on in the mind, body and soul.
As a mindset coach, it is my calling and privilege to support and motivate women to start
loving who they are and remind them that being themselves is what makes them truly
Yes, it is so essential to be healthy. And fuelling your body with fresh, nutrient dense foods
and moving your body every day, is vital.
But changing your diet and exercise with the goal of ‘looking like someone’ else is not a
As a personal trainer (and women’s health specialist), there is nothing that saddens me
more than when my clients say “I want to have Jennifer Aniston’s arms” or “I want a butt like J.Lo’s” or “I want to look like ‘her’.”
Yes, J.Lo has a great booty, and Miranda Kerr is definitely stunning, but you are also
beautiful, unique and worthy of appreciation, admiration and love.
I encourage women to have goals, but those goals should suit their lifestyle, be positive for
their mindset and be achievable for their unique body type.
Speaking of your body type, did you know that we all fit in to three body type categories?
And knowing which one you belong to will help guide you on how to achieve your goals.
Ectomorphs are long, lean and have difficulty building muscle. They stay thin without too
Endomorphs are often bigger and find it easy to put on body fat and a lot harder to lose it.
Mesomorphs are muscular, well-built with a high metabolism and can easily build muscle.
Once we know what category your body type fits into, we know what is healthy and
achievable for you.
For example, if you want your quads to look like those of a top crossfitter but you’re an
Endomorph body type – your training and nutrition needs to be very different to reach
those similar goals.
And I’m sorry to say, sometimes, no matter how hard you train you may never achieve the
same muscular definition. Especially, if the woman you are comparing yourself to is a
mesomorph body shape.
When you decide you want to make changes to your health and fitness, it is so, so, so critical
to be realistic about what you can achieve.
And don’t compare your chapter 1 with someone else’s chapter 10. They may run faster
because they’ve been training for 6 months. They may lift more because that has been their
goal for months and they’ve been putting in extra sessions to work on their strength.
The only person you should be making comparisons with, is the person you were yesterday.
Every step you take towards a healthy and happy lifestyle, is a win. And that’s what is
essential to focus on.
No crazy diet or training plan is going to give you ‘what she has’. You will never be her… but
then again, she will never be you. And being you, is what makes you special.
I want to empower women (just like you) to be grateful for what they have, love what they
have been given and set reasonable and realistic goals.
So, let’s stop the comparing and focus on being the happiest, healthiest version of YOU!
Love & light
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